It was 10 o’clock at night, my parents where downstairs arguing, my brother was locked away in his room trying to ignore it all and I was upstairs in my room, pissed off at my parents and the world in general. All I wanted was to be with the person I “loved” most and my parents were stopping me. I was all done. I wanted to leave, runaway and never come back. Who cared about my family? All I cared about was the “love of my life”. So I did, I decided to leave. I called the “love of my life”, made plans for him to come pick me up and I did it. I stormed out of my bedroom, down the stairs and was headed straight for the door with nothing but the clothes on my back and a quarter charged cell phone. I was about to just walk out the door but my parents stopped me, this is where it got ugly.
I straight up told them that I’m leaving and I don’t plan on returning, I’m done with them, I’m done with this house, I’m just done. I was going to go live with the “love of my life” and he was going to take good care of me. My mom was furious and crying, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so mad in my life. My dad was crying and trying to reason with me, trying to get me to stay. Then my brother came downstairs, crying, yelling “LET HER GO! LET HER GO! If she wants to go then let her go, then we’ll all be better”.
In that very moment, when my little brother told my parents to let me go so everything will get better, is when I realized I was being a complete idiot. This is when I realized my family is broken and it’s all my fault. My Mom, my Dad and my Brother were all standing in front of me, crying, about to let me go so their part will be fixed. I was the broken piece and I was breaking them too. That’s when I realized I need to get my shit together.
When I was 15, almost 16 years old I got my very first boyfriend. It was all fun and cute at first. Then he started to get this type of control over me. He could have told me to rob a bank and I would have just so he would still love me. I didn’t want him mad at me, ever. So I did everything I possibly could to make him happy. I never wanted him to leave me. I was just afraid of being alone.
Before I met him I had pretty close to a 4.0. I was really good at school, I would show up everyday and I loved school. I wanted to go to the University of Washington and become a doctor or a lawyer. I had big dreams for myself.
He got me to start smoking weed and that became my new thing. My grades dropped and I barely went to school. If I did show up it would be 2+ hours late.
My parent’s started to worry and I assured them everything is okay. I wasn’t going to school and showing up late because I wasn’t sleeping at night. I convinced them I was an insomniac and that’s why I could never wake up in the morning. When really it was because I was out with my boyfriend smoking weed until 1 in the morning on a school night. They took my word for it but they knew something was up.
One Christmas he really wanted the newest Playstation and he wanted me to buy it for him. I didn’t have a job so I had no money for it. So he wanted me to take my parent’s debit card and go out and buy it for him. He somehow convinced me that it would be okay and we wouldn’t get caught and he would be mad if I didn’t do it… So I went out and did just that. This right here, is the moment I wish I knew I would regret forever.
My parent’s saw it on their bill and they told me about it, they noticed it was from a Fred Meyer in the same town we lived in so they asked if I knew anything about it, I told them no. So they went to the bank and started an investigation.
Later that night I felt so guilty for what I had done I went and told my dad. They cancelled the investigation and I was grounded forever and they told me I couldn’t see him anymore because he was a bad influence on me, but I did it anyways because I was a teenager and I knew everything. I knew what was best for me and it was him. They didn’t get to tell me what to do.
All of this led up to the big fight. Me wanting to leave, my parents trying to stop me and my little brother telling them to let me go.
When I looked up and saw my brother crying is when I realized I was being a horrible person. I wanted my little brother to be my best friend, I didn’t want him to hate me.This is the moment I realized my boyfriend really is bad news. I realized the control he had over me, I realized my family is broken because of me. Because I would do anything and everything, even if it put my family in danger, just to be with him. I realized that’s not okay.
We broke up a little after that.
My brother is one of my best friend’s in the whole world. I will always be there for him and he will always be there for me, no matter what. I thank him for opening my eyes.
I love my mom and dad to death and they have forgiven me for what I did. It’s been 4 years since this happened and they still have a little bit of a trust issue but I can’t blame them.
I have a different boyfriend, my second boyfriend actually. It will be 3 years together this month on the 25th. He was one of my best friends during the time of this event and he helped me make better life choices during all of this but that will be a different story.
I’m not saying he’s a bad person, not at all. He was my first boyfriend and I just never wanted to be alone so I did everything in my power to prevent him from leaving me. Did he take advantage of that, yes, he did. But that doesn’t make him a bad person.
Do I regret dating him? No. Dating him has made me into the person I am today. I’ve realized that it’s okay to be alone. I just need to be myself and if someone doesn’t like me for me, that’s okay. I shouldn’t have to bend over backwards just to make someone stay with me.
I do regret stealing money from my parents but even that has taught me what I know today. I wish I could have learned that in a different way. But it is what it is.
In all honesty, writing this post made me cry during some parts of it. This is an emotional story for me. This is the first time publicly announcing it.
Do any of you relate to this story in any way? Maybe you were a crazy teenager that went down the wrong path? Maybe you too were scared of being alone? Let me know down below!